because it must be done

I watch the dust settle on my past and feel a sense of relief in the center of my chest. There are people and places I have left behind, but I am better off without them anyway.

Kenz and I are sitting in front of the studio, feet tucked beneath us, the sun beaming down on our faces, when she says, “I feel like you have a completely different life sometimes.”

“I do,” I respond honestly. “But this one feels like my real life.”

It’s hard to shed yourself from friendships and places that no longer serve you, but it has to be done. My yoga mentor, Jeanne, once said when talking about why we teach yoga, “We do it because it must be done.”

We do it because it must be done.

I think you could put that in place of a lot of things. We leave shitty relationships because it must be done. We move away from cities that make us feel small because it must be done. We build lives that honor our true intentions because it must be done.

For a long time, I confused familiarity with belonging. Just because something had been in my life for years didn't mean it deserved a permanent residence there. I stayed loyal for no reason at all and I kept friendships alive out of history alone.

There was a time when I thought I owed everyone access to me forever. That if someone knew me when I was younger, they somehow had a claim to every version that came after. But growing has taught me that love and history are not contracts. People can be meaningful and still belong in the past.

It's not to say I'll never see those people or that town again. But knowing they are no longer the center of my universe is such a great relief. There is something beautiful about realizing that life keeps unfolding.

Being a part of this new community is inspiring me in ways I always dreamed of. I leave class and sit in the sun with people who make me laugh. I have conversations that light me up. I find myself excited about the future in a way I haven’t been in years. And sometimes I catch myself looking around and think, this is it. This is the life I was trying so hard to find.

My mid-twenties have taught me a lot, but only now am I learning that I didn’t have to stay there.